Post # 1:
Personally, I feel that my introduction to my first draft has some real good strength to it. Although it doesn’t have an anecdote or some real hook, I feel I give the reader good information that will set up the correct vocabulary, and ideas that they will read throughout my paper. In my paper specifically, I feel that understanding vocabulary and ideas of how autonomous cars work will go along way, as part of my persuasion method is to inform the reader. If I expand more on this idea alone, it will improve my paper’s voice to the reader. In my paper, I feel that my body paragraphs can use a bit of work. My professor’s feedback informed me that the body paragraphs of my essay is a bit “resource heavy”. This was actually incredibly eye opening because I have been in the habit of writing papers this way and I have never been told once, by peer or instructor, that this was something worth fixing. Also, in my peer review, I was told essentially that I did not dive deep enough into detail. This just tells me that I need to work on expanding on my resources, and really use them to their full potential to back my persuasion topic.
Post # 2:
I have chosen an important topic that addresses social and environmental injustice. I am confident that my argument is supported with credible evidence. For example, one of my key point paragraphs focuses on fast fashion’s impact on the environment. Evidence supports that one consequence of mass-produced clothing is the release of dyes, pesticides, and other chemicals into our water systems. Also, I have successfully addressed counterarguments and provided rebuttals with supportive evidence. Implementing reliable evidence in my introduction will ensure that my argument is strong early on. I plan to use my draft’s strengths to improve my thesis and third key point paragraph (the impact of fast fashion on the consumer). The introduction to my essay needs more clarification. If my audience read my introduction right now, I believe they would generally understand what my argument is. However, there are a couple sentences that don’t add significance to my thesis. I must replace these sentences with details and examples in order to better support my argument. I believe that variety in sentence structure and length will also help my essay flow better. The key point section of my essay will need improvement as well. Based on instructor feedback, I must gather more reliable evidence in order to successfully communicate my third key point.
ASSIGNMENT:
Respond with one paragraph each (5-8 sentences) to both posts above based on your opinion or suggestions you may have in response to the posts.
